Funny Parrot!!!!!! lol

In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whisky you ****." Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!" Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "

TIME FOR HOMEMADE TOYS!

Melon Heaven. Simple to make at home and easy to use. A classic sex toy. Maybe feels better for men then any other. A homemade male treat.

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Directions

Gather the Fixins

To get into melon heaven. You'll need a melon and a sharp knife. You might consider some lube, depending on how ripe the melon is :)

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Step 1: Make a Hole

Make a hole in the end of the melon just large enough for your sexy cock. make sure you don't do your usual size-exaggeration, because a snug fit is important for the proper effect. Err on the small size. (think... tight pussy)

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Step 2: Size the Hole

Make sure that the hole has the right girth and depth. Remove any extra flesh if necessary. (on the melon!)

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Step 3: Make a "Carb"

The pot smokers amongst us are familiar with the "carb" concept. cut a small hole in the side of the melon, just big enough to cover with your thumb and completely through the flesh of the melon.

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Step 4: Give the Melon a Seeing-To

You are ready to try out the melon. An optimal stroke takes a bit of practice. Basically, stick it in, cover the hole, pull it out, uncover the hole. repeat until satisfied.

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I love animals!!!

Time for some animal facts.  

Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal. (would have never guessed)

Porpoises enjoy group sex. (I love them!!!)

Rhesus macaques (monkeys) experience orgasm, with much the same physiological response as humans.  (we're related!)

Hamsters can have sex seventy-five times a day.  (I'm jealous)

The rhinoceros penis is two feet long.  (hmmmm. )

The majority of giraffes and turkeys are bisexual.  (I like this)

Most male birds don't have a penis, but rather holes that pass the sperm to the females. (I'd never fuck a bird)

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, forbids moose copulation on city streets.  (that's not fair!)

The average gorilla weighing 200 pounds has a penis that is two inches long (big guy... small dick!)

A pig's penis is shaped like a corkscrew.  (no thanks)

***SEDUCTION***

 Seduction isn't making someone do what they don't want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.

May is Masturbation Month!!

May special:

All month.... 5 free minutes 

with a 10 minute paid call if you mention what month it is!!!

Get your lube out and call me!

888-756-1672